I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
