Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
