i barfeds in our rink
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
