im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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