hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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