So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
