My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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