fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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