i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
