Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize