his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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