he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
