I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
