So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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