all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize