Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
