so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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