You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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