I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he just fucked me for my cheese..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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