Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize