i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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