I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
