The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
