One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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