He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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