sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
