Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
