i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just blew my weed a kiss
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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