I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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