omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
