Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
