she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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