i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
