Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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