she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize