You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize