i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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