I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
