Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
