we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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