just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
