shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I am naked and annoyed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
