Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
