You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
