so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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