New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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