So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
