I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
