Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
