Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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