that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
