is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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