best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
