My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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