I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
whose parrot is this?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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