I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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