It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
