1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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