her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
