Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
