when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
