i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize