I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
