I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
