I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize