Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
