I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
