please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
