I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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