I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
