he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
