I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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