Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
