So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
