ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
