we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize