My friends, they love my intelligence
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
