Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
