i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
