I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
