i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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