I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
