Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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