dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
