I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
