I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
