literally had 100 drinks last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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