It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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