Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
