M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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