I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
