That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
