Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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