Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You did what with his pubic hair?
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