hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
