Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
