in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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