What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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