I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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