I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
