so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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