I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
