I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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