I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize