do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
