My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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