we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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