she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
