I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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