I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
