I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
