if you like me you must not know who I am
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize